The ARMPIT JUG BAND is alive, well, and raring to hit the road again after being persumed lost in the Amazon during their AMAZING WORLD TOUR !

The ARMPITS owe their lives to a GOLF-CRAZY South American rancher who found them in the Jungle. Bandleader JAZZ BEASLEY explained: " We knew he liked golf because when we played our instruments he kept shouting "MEIN GOTT! ZISS ISS VERSE ZAN ZE BUNKER! " So, if youre reading this, thanks again, Mr Bormann."

The record-breaking tour ("Everywhere we went people broke our records") proved a real education to the band. For example, said JAZZ , "we learned that Russian audiences show their appreciation, not by clapping, but by shouting waving victory signs and shouting "Bugarov" which must be Russian for "more!"

"Our biggest test was playing in RED CHINA but we prepared beforehand by working for a week in a Chinese hand laundry, during which time we washed over 2000 Chinese hands"

During the tour the band became deeply involved in Eastern PHILOSOPHY and CULTURE . Jazz explained, " We picked up a lot of things in the Orient, particulary during a residency at Long Dong Massage Parlour & Tea Rooms, Bangkok, but we are hoping the tablets will soon clear things up."

A MUSICIANS UNION spokesman commented: "News that the ARMPIT JUG BAND is on the loose again is a terrible shock. I advise gig organisers to adopt a wartime spirit of self-sacrifice. Remember that the ARMPITS are playing for YOU , millions others are being spared.

So keep a stiff upper lip, and phone JAZZ BEASLEY on 02476 397624 or email jandmbeasley@tiscali.co.uk

BOOK THIS BAND TODAY ! ! ! !